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InterWeavers.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
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Q: A dust storm blows through, now how much do you have ?
A: 99, dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree
Q: Some birds go flying by and leave their droppings,
one per tree, how many is that ?
A: 100, dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd
+ dirty tree and a turd
"What do you think you're doing in my refrigerator?" she demanded.
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" replied the rabbit.
"Yeah; so what?"
"I'm just westing."
After the man at the counter agrees, the guy says, "I'll have a double scoop of neopolitan ice cream, a huge plate of Italian spaghetti and some Italian garlic bread."
Without hesitating, the man at the counter says, "You're an [ethnic, not Italian]"
Amazed, the guy exclaims, "Wow! You're right! I am [ethnic]. How did you know?"
"Easy," replied the man, "This is a hardware store."
A Rebel Without A Clue! :*)
He goes over to his girl friends house. Her parents were just leaving for the opera. He speaks up and says "but I thought we were going with you?" His girl friend pulls him aside and asks "you never told me we were going to the opera! I thought we were going to stay home?"
He replies "you never told me your father was a druggist..."
-- WOMAN - A Chemical Analysis --
Element: Woman Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118,
Symbol: WO but know to vary
Discoverer: Adam from 105 to 175.
Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas,
with slighlty lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties: 1) Surface usually covered with
painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes
without reason.
3) Melts if given special
treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
Can cause headaches.
Handle with care!
5) Found in various states;
ranging from virgin metal to
common ore.
6) Yields to pressure applied to
correct points.
Chemical Properties: 1) Has great affinity for Gold,
Silver, Platinum and many of
the Precious Stones.
2) Absorbs great quantities of
expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if
left alone on dates.
4) Insoluble in liquids, but
there is increased activity
when saturated in alcohol
to a certain point.
5) Repels cheap material.
Neutral to common sense.
6) Most powerful money reducing
agent known to Man.
Uses: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
Can cool things down when it's too hot.
Tests: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution: 1) Highly dangerous except in experienced
hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2) Illegal to possess more than one.
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."
The doctor checked here over and said "Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you're going to be a mother!"
The woman said "Get serious, Doctor. I'm 80."
The doctor said "I am serious. This morning I would have said it was a medical impossibility. Now you are a medical marvel."
The woman said "I'll be damned" and stormed out of the office. She went to where the phones were in the hall and called her husband. A halting thin voice answered "Hello?" She yelled into the phone "You rotten SOB! You got me pregnant!'
There was a pause and the husband finally said "Who's calling, please?"