Darwin Award: Sneaking In - The Hard Way

The Darwin Award is bestowed every year upon an individual(s) (or remains thereof), who, through single-minded self sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
This year's Darwin Award winners are John Pernicky and his friend Sal Hawkins from the great state of Washington. John and Sal decided to attend a Metallica concert at the amphitheater in Gorge, Washington.

Having no tickets, but 18 beers between them, they sat in the parking lot and finished the beer. At that point, they decided they could scale the 9 foot fence and sneak into the concert. The two friends pulled their pick-up over to the fence and the plan was for John, 100 pounds heavier than Sal, to hop over, and then assist his friend.

Unfortunately, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the 9 foot fence. Having heaved himself over, John found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a clump of bushes directly below. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed a pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts. When finally free from the tree, he crashed into a large clump of holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body. Being without shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch which penetrated his rectal cavity.

To make matters worse, his pocket knife fell with him and landed 3 inches into his left thigh. Seeing his friend in terrible pain, Sal decided to throw John a rope. However, weighing about 100 pounds less than his friend, Sal decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pick-up truck.

This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing John. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries, and died on the scene.

Police arrived to find the pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and, upon moving the truck, a half naked man with numerous scratches, a holly branch stuck up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from a tree branche 25 feet in the air.


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