Voicemail for the Insane
RING . . .
RING . . .
CLICK
(endearing recorded voice): "Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press <1> repeatedly.
- If you are codependent, please ask someone to press <2>.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press <3>,<4>,<5> and <6>.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
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